Wednesday, May 11, 2005

It's about frigging time!!!

I've been trying to log on to this damn thing for the better part of an hour now and I'm quite pissed off....but now that I'm here I might as well get started.

First let's talk about the colors of the badges. This is extremely important, as it shows status and availablity of access to the screenings and press confrences. I've got a blue one, which is the second worst you can get. The reason for this is because this is my first time and I maybe didn't bribe the right people. I dunno. There are several types of press badges:

White: Highest access, you can get anywhere with no trouble and get to look down at the people with the pink badges.

Pink With a yellow dot: Almost highest access, you can get in anywhere with no trouble.

Pink without anything. If there aren't enough pink with yellow people you can get into the press screenings and others.

Blue with yellow dot: same as regular pink, but the pinks get in first.

Blue without anything: You get the picture...we're way down the list.

Yellow: You're fucked. You and/or your company have just wasted lots of money because by the time they let you in, most of the time there won't be any room left anyway.

Right now Im on the varanda of the American pavillion, which is on the beach and has an expensive resturaunt. The Wai-fi is free, and that's a blessing as the people at Orange communications sometimes charge ten euros for their allegedly free service at their internet cafe in the main building.Cute, huh?

The area's really nice, but everything's really expensive. The euro's worth just under a buck and a half, and buys about 75¢ worth of goods. Disgusting.That's why I've got to find out how to get into all the receptions, as they serve free food.

Oh, yeah, I forgot. It costs twenty five bucks to get a membership for the American Pavillion, and this is the first year for doing that. Just my luck.

The festival begins with the gala opening of George Lucas' latest Star Wars picture, and this might just be a good place for the review:

Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

Written and Directed
by George Lucas

There's a term in the world of internet movie criticism called the “spoiler.” This means that someone tells the reader how the movie ends, or some plot point that will ruin any surprise that the film has to offer. One of the most famous of these is the iconic moment in “The Empire Strikes Back” where Darth Vader reveals the secret of Luke Skywalker's paternity to that young apprentice Jedi.

The reason I mention this is because there aren't any in this movie. We've known from that moment a quarter century ago what this movie was going to be about. How and why would Anikan Skywalker turn into Darth Vader. It's all been leading to that from the moment George Lucas announced there was going to be a prequel trilogy even before the original sequel was made. This is the point of the whole thing [aside from selling tickets and tchotchkies] for crying out loud. The question is is will it be any good, considering that most of parts I and II weren't.

Well, Georgie redeems himself here.

Supreme Chancellor Palpatine(Ian McDiarmid) has been kidnapped by the evil droid General Greevious and Sith lord Count Dooku(Christopher Lee), for the moment we're to forget that the kidnappers and kidnappee are secretly in league with each other, so we can just sit back and enjoy

Obi-Wan Kenobi(Ewan McGregor) and Anakin Skywalker(Hayden Christensen) zooming around the lower ionesphere playing this really nifty video game before crashing on the dock of the mothership. They, with R2D2 in tow, go forward into the breach, and giving everyone in the audience a rollicking good time as they battle moronic droids and other assorted baddies.

Anakin isn't evil yet, he refuses to leave Obi-wan to his fate, but things are happening and happening fast. Our hero is still secretly to the beauteous ex-queen and senator Padmé Amidala Naberrie(Natalie Portman), and the secret must be kept as Jedi knights, for some reason, have to remain celibate, and so do unmarried lady senators. Why this is doesn't matter. What matters is that Luke and Leia are in her nether regions, and in order for the cycle to come full circle…that's the problem when when you start in the middle, she has to die and they live.

Now between the fight scenes, we've got (ugh!) politics. On the one hand, we've got Where Obi-Wan, Yoda (voice of Frank Oz), Mace Windu(Samuel L. Jackson) and the rest are conspiring against what they seem is the threat of Chancellor Palpitane getting too much power, and their dislike of poor Anikan, who's been having prophetic dreams about Padmé dying in childbirth [for some reason, in the futuristic universe, they don't have caesarian sections]

The Jedi screw up really badly, dissing Anikin and asking him to spy on Palpitane for them…their lack trust fortells their doom. Boy do they get doomed!

From here on out, it's sort of like “The Passion of the Christ" completely pre-ordained, and almost completely engrossing. We know what's going to happen, but we root anyway and hope that somehow ol' George has lied to us and there's a happy ending. But no…

You're going to see it anyway, so get it over with and wait to see the whole six episodes on DVD this Xmas.

Now to find the market....


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