Saturday, October 23, 2004

Okay, this is what's going to happen on election day:

In the morning we shall vote just after breakfast on the way to work, it'll get
it out of the way and we won't have to worry about that for the next two years.

At ten or so in the morning, it's best to check the Drudge Report. Ol' Mattie
has access to the various exit polls and has never sighned the secrecy
agreement, so we'll know all about how the turnout is and whether to be joyous
or depressed the rest of the day.

I think that both Ras and Zogby are polling all the way to the end, which means
that noon we get to see whether they're going to be off or not.

After lunch, it's best to check Drudge again and then the various blogs who may
have managed to get their hands on some of the exit poll data. We should know
if it's going to be close or not by then either way.

Then there's dinner.

As we chow down to our tasty and nutritious meal, we get our first results.
Both Kentucky and Indiana will go for Bush. We don't care as neither of these
have EVER been swing states and the Republicans will be happy with Bush 19
Kerry 0.

We then start channel surfing. The pundits, who have all the secret data, will
dance around the fact they know who's already won in many of the states and lie
through their teeth in order to seem exited.

Seven PM: Seven more states. Now we'll know if this is going to truly be a
blowout or a squeaker:
Bush 46 Kerry 7. Plus Ohio. If they call Ohio for Kerry, it's going to be a
very long night, if Bush, we might as well go to sleep early.

Seven thirty: Bush 66 Kerry 7. Democrats are looking at Ohio with baited
breath, Bush has a substantial lead in the popular vote, which isn't shown much
on any of the channels.

Eight: Bush 150 Kerry 113. Ohio is still neck and neck and nobody's going to
call Florida this early. If they call Florida for either candidate, it may not
be over, but the legions of lawyers are going to be put on alert.

eight thirty: Arkansas goes for Bush and every Democrat goes "Damn!" under his
or her breath.

Nine: Bush 185 Kerry 165. Now things begin to get exiting. Ohio has Kerry ahead
by just under two thousand and Bush is ahead in Florida by slightly more than
he won it the last time. Minnestoa is going Kerry's way but not enough to get
it called. Bush is still substantially ahead in the popular vote, and this is
because he's blowing Kerry away in many of the red states. Wisconsin is
see-sawing between Bush and Kerry.

Ten: Bush 202 Kerry 172 The Republicans are beginning to look a bit worried, as
Kerry's lead in Ohio begins to cease being miniscule. Kerry's passed Bush in
Florida, but not by much,

Ten thirty: Bush wins Iowa. Democrats look awful until at around a quarter to
eleven, Ohio is given to Kerry. The score Bush 209 Kerry 192

Eleven: Bush 216 Kerry 256. Soon after, Kerry wins wisconsin, giving Kerry 266
and Florida is called around 11:30, giving Kerry a majority of 288 to Bush's
219. Kerry is still about a million votes behind Bush and the commentators are
discussing what the hell is going on. Kerry didn't win most of his states by
that much and the Bush people are claiming fraud. But Bush was getting 70% of
the vote in some of the red states...Time to go to bed...for the post mortems
can wait until the morning....

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